Regret Message
by Tsunderellah
Summary: The little queen lay dying in a hospital bed, surrounded only by pale tiles stretching to eternity. It was with whispered gasps that she relayed to the nurse the message of her grief and regret. RSxCBS


_To my dearest one, _

_ If you are reading this letter, then it must mean that the darkness has finally succeeded in taking me. I wrote this on my deathbed, upon the final dying gasps of my breath- for you to finally know of how I feel for you. I had the nurse write it for me, as I no longer have the strength to breath by myself- much less write. _

_By now, you would have been a fine swordsman, a master of both magic and blade. It is too bad that I was no longer there to watch you grow into the person you have always wanted to be. It was too unfortunate that our paths, once intertwined by fate, branched off into eternity, ever parallel, never meeting again. I hope you understand that I had to choose the path that I did- there simply was no other outcome. I was too proud to accept the truth, that my race could never be revived, that we were doomed to be mere memories. Perhaps I was grasping for the hope that truly wasn't there, for the hope that I, their queen, could do something for her people. I chose this path, not knowing that I would lose much more than I could ever gain. I chose to remove my emotions to become more powerful- to be strong enough to be the queen that my people deserved. In a fit of pride, I chose to ignore the growing desires of my heart; desires to adore you, to cherish you, and to be yours until the end of time. I chose to ignore your love, even though you had offered it to me, so whole-heartedly; so unselfishly. _

_Yes, I love you, Elsword. I always have ever since you woke me from the dark capsule of my dreams, ever since I saw your face contort with the force of my slap, ever since you called me your friend; ever since you told me of your love. I had always loved you; I was simply too foolish to recognise it then. We were happy, all of us, through the midst of the darkness, when evil ravaged the lands; everything was so bright, so wonderful to me; because you were there to provide my cold world with your light. I was warmed by the heat of your friendship, and that is something that I am truly grateful for. _

_Everyone began to change at one point. Sweet, nurturing Rena suddenly became more withdrawn, preferring the company of her fellow assassins at some points. Raven chose to learn more about the Nasod Arm, an unwanted advantage that my people- in extension, me- have forced upon him. Chung, true to his protective nature and his respect for his family's heritage, kept his heirloom cannon the way it is, and became a guardian who was terrifying in the battlefield, it would be suicidal to invoke his fury. I myself was to choose the path of imperialism, as I discovered that through the limited technology we had at the home base, I could have created servants to fight for me, for you know by now that I am too fragile for a Nasod. However, Echo discovered another code- another way I could achieve my goal: Code Electra, or so she had dubbed it. It gave me command of powers I had never heard before. Astounded by the power and the flexibility this code offered, I accepted it into my system and became Code: Electra. _

_We were all so happy then. Life was difficult, but there were moments of light dotting it frequently. I remember when we all celebrated our first harmony festival, the one where we forgot about the burdens upon our shoulders and, for the first time, we had fun. That was when you got me my hair band, a white band of fabric with a simple oriental-looking flower. You said you got it for me because it reminded you of my 'eye', the blue gem nestled between the silken fabric petals. It was the first gift you ever gave me, and it was my most precious treasure. I wore it all the time- or at least until my black-outs began. _

_At first it was small, lasting only for a few milliseconds. My system would shut down suddenly, causing me to lose my focus on the battlefield, but the more I tried to ignore it, the more persistent and the more intense they became. After almost giving Rena a heart attack when I suddenly collapsed, I finally consulted with the Ponggos and Echo, who through thorough analysis were able to pin down the cause: the Electra code within me was becoming more and more unstable. It seems as if it is incompatible with the emotional circuitry I had. They said that if I were to continue this way, I would inevitably shut down. The irony of the situation terrified me. Here I was, the queen of the most technologically advanced society- about to lose her place on earth because of a mere system error. I did not want to go back into the darkness. I've been basking in the beautiful sunlight, why do I need to go back into the cold?_

_I couldn't tell you of any of it. It was too painful to do so. There was a risk that I would lose you through it all, that I would lose my entire world. At this point I realised that death was not an option. The Ponggos and I worked day and night, trying everything we could- it was a matter of life and death; and then, a breakthough. While we were stabilizing the code, we discovered the existence of a battle code, the scripts of which dating back thousands of millennia back, when our ancestors first discovered the alchemy of gold. The battle code promised immense power- beyond anything the empire had seen. It promised the power of flight, the advantage of speed, finer control of the Spectrum I created for the Electra code and most importantly, it promised life. It was the missing piece that the Electra code needed to finally be safe. It was the ultimate code. _

_There was, however, a catch to this seemingly perfect solution. It would seem as if this particular coding, like Code Electra, was incompatible with my emotions. I saw no other choice then. I took out my ability to love- as I have always seen through Raven's torturous anguish over the death of his beloved, and through brave Chung, who cried at night, wishing for it all to be a nightmare-it was love that broke their concentration, what destroyed them. I saw them as strong, but no logarithms or equations could explain their moments of weakness. I just then concluded that the love that they held for the departed is the cause of it. I believe I used that excuse to forgive myself for the choice I made. _

_I thus became what Elder's alchemist called the 'Battle Code Seraph'. I wish I could write more about this moment in my life, but during that time, it was like I myself was concealed behind a glass wall. I felt nothing, yet saw everything. I felt no yearning for you, no happiness for life, no sadness for my loss. I truly was emotionless- and all for the resurrection of a nation who decimated and ravaged the very world you were trying to protect. I wish I could just forget that moment of life- but how could I? I was the one to abandon you. I was the one that left the group to seek my own redemption. I was the one that refused to stay, even when you begged me to. _

_I told myself that it would be better this way. In fact, this would be for the best. You would not have to be burdened with me- a cold, unfeeling person that could truly see nothing through those quiet tears you shed. I would be unhindered by any emotional baggage- there would be nothing that the enemies could use against me to torment me. As such, this way, you would be safe._

_So many stupid reasons, one true causation: I was too proud, too selfish; and I know that now._

_I'll tell you this though, to keep this letter from boring you much further, for you never truly were one with a long attention span: you're right. In the end, my choices caught up to me, and that I do regret it horrendously. We were wrong. All the choices I made were wrong. The Seraph code did not stabilize fully. The battle code crashed, my inner system destroyed utterly. It served me for a good ten years, and throughout those years, I watched the dreams of a revived Nasod nation slowly crumple. I watched MY own dreams of a fulfilling life with you dissipate into the air. It simply was not possible. Their queen was too weak to shut down and reprogram the core. She was too weak to fully stop the foundry's mass production of armies of evil robotic puppets. She, being the one most capable, ended up being useless. _

_What irony._

_Having seen what my people have done, perhaps it is a good thing that I'm the last one. _

_Dearest Elsword, I wonder where you are. I do not know if this letter will reach you, nor do I know if you would even read it. If not, I would understand, as I was merely a small part of your past, but if you are out there and you are reading this, please know that even now, through it all, I still love you. No program or battle code could change what I truly feel. I may not have a 'heart' to store all the overflowing emotions I felt during those lonesome days, but I felt such a sense of loss when we parted. I didn't realise that I needed you so much, that I needed us so badly. Forgive me for being so stupidly overbearing, for leaving you when I loved you back, for thinking I knew best; for leaving you alone all those years. I now realised that your love was what made me strong, just like Raven's love for Seris, and Chung's love for his dear parents, empowered them, instead of breaking them down. It was what drove them to be powerful- they did not want the people they care for now, to end up like the people in their pasts did. Had I realised that sooner, perhaps…_

_Before I fully leave this world, I want to thank you, for everything I have experienced while I was alive. I was happy, I became sad, I have been angry- I've encountered such a beautiful myriad of emotions, such a wide array of colours that painted my life. _

_Elsword, thank you for giving me my heart; that to me, is my most precious treasure, a treasure that I thought I had lost, but only now had realised that I had all along._

_With all of my love, _

_Eve, the foolish queen of Nasods._


End file.
